The 'Orphan' Kim Kardashian Tried to Adopt Has Politely Declined

Pink, the Thai girl who Kim Kardashian wanted to adopt on a recent episode of her show, has spoken out about the internet breaker adopting her and whisking her off to a life of glamour and luxury. Her response to the kind offer? She'd like to visit someday, but, uh, she's not really into commitment right now. » 11/19/14 11:25pm Wednesday 11:25pm

We are All This Golden Retriever Spectacularly Bombing an Agility Test

This golden retriever is learning a very valuable lesson way earlier than most of us do: sometimes you are just fucking terrible at something and that's that. You're not always gonna win, and that's okay. Sometimes falling on your ass is more fun. And also embarrassing yourself? Not so bad. At least there are treats. » 11/19/14 9:00pm Wednesday 9:00pm

Here are Some Adorable Animal Bandits Stealing Everything in Sight

Look at those faces! Look at those paws! Look at these animals stealing your cookies and your heart and your house. No, really: These adorable creatures just got together and kicked you out of your own home. But you don't mind, right? How can you say no to these faces? (You can't! Now get out.) » 11/18/14 9:00pm Tuesday 9:00pm

The Star of that 'Drunk Girl in Public' Video Says She Was Tricked Too

Remember that video about the "drunk girl" getting propositioned by men on the street that went viral last week? Well, the entire thing has been unraveling quicker than that ugly sweater my grandma made me for Hanukkah once. Turns out the "drunk girl" was "duped "into the video. Just like the dudes. Just so some… » 11/18/14 7:00pm Tuesday 7:00pm

The MTA Will Finally Chastise Men Whose Balls Need Three Seats

I have testicles, they're fairly sizeable (physically, not metaphorically), and they don't need a separate seat on the subway. In fact, no matter how big someone's balls are (again, speaking from a purely physical standpoint), they will never need an extra seat. Yet some men continue to sit on the train as though they… » 11/18/14 5:45pm Tuesday 5:45pm

Pornhub Wants You to Come for Christmas With This Ice-Glazed Single

Have you been a naughty girl? Have you been a nice girl? These are the questions that Pornhub, several porn actresses and a metric fuckton of autotune have for you. I don't know what exactly naughty girls are getting from Santa, but this teaser is suggesting it isn't coal. (Unless by coal you mean ginormous dicks,… » 11/17/14 11:30pm Monday 11:30pm

BREAKING: Here's Uncensored Video of Seal-on-Penguin Copulation

Scientists have just returned from studying king penguins and they've learned quite a bit. In fact, they brought you a souvenir video. Please enjoy this lesson about the seals and the penguins. (And how incredibly cruel the animal kingdom can be and also feel inspired to do something different tomorrow; something that… » 11/17/14 9:00pm Monday 9:00pm

Cool Dude Fakes Kidnapping to Avoid Nagging Hosebeast Girlfriend

Sometimes you just don't want to spend Thursday night watching Must See TV with your girlfriend. Justin Sarten of Florence (Arizona, not Italy) knew he needed a night out. But how can you tell your girlfriend you want to go out with the boys without hurting feelings? Oh, just fake your own kidnapping. » 11/17/14 7:45pm Monday 7:45pm

Father's Beautiful Song to His Dying Infant Son Will Make You Cry

Chris Picco has recently suffered two devastating losses. His wife, Ashley, died after an emergency C-section, and his son, Lennon was struggling to live from his first moments in the world. And although Picco was decimated by grief, he kept it together to perform this beautiful rendition of "Blackbird" for Lennon as… » 11/13/14 6:50pm 11/13/14 6:50pm