Angry Young Owl Surprises Some Nice Suburban Housewives

This is what the world has come to: The evil marshmallow sacks known formally as owls are no longer content to attack humans in the wild. Instead, these tiny balls of clawed terror are showing up on doorsteps to demand sacrifice, fuck up your home and remind you that you may be at the top of the food chain but an owl… » 3/26/15 10:15pm Today 10:15pm

Hilary Duff's New Single: This Is What Dreams Are Made Of

Hilary Duff's Dignity was one of the best albums of the late 2000s and I will fight anyone who disagrees. Unfortunately, after giving us the Europop perfection we neither deserved nor appreciated (tragic!), Duff went quiet for almost eight years. But she's releasing an album this year and her new single is fucking… » 3/26/15 6:15pm Today 6:15pm

2-Year-Old Girl Breaks Archery Record, Reminds Us We're Failures

While you were busy braying at the moon about the death of One Direction, an Indian two-year-old was kicking ass, taking names and ensuring her triumph and victory in any number of possible dystopian situations (zombies, Hunger Games, The Oregon Trail) in the future. Meet Dolly Shivani Cherukuri, the kid to be envious… » 3/26/15 4:10pm Today 4:10pm

Reporter Drives Chinese Couple 500 Miles to Attend Their Own Wedding

In an attempt to learn more about the ever-changing social landscape of Shanghai, NPR's Frank Langfitt has been driving driving citizens around their city and learning their stories. In his most recent installment of the series, he took a break from the usual routine to drive a couple 500 miles to their home village… » 3/26/15 12:15pm Today 12:15pm

Live Your Best Life in Big Mac Clothes, Sleep on Sexy Big Mac Sheets

McDonald's is having a great week. After giving absolutely zero fucks about Taco Bell's smear campaign (Ronald should really consider "at least we don't give you the squirts" as a comeback slogan), the restaurant has launched a lifestyle line which will allow fans of the Big Mac to show off their love for the burger… » 3/26/15 11:20am Today 11:20am

Meet Some Kittens Who Live by the 'Start Shit, Get Hit' Philosophy

Yo, who are you calling a "pussy?" These aren't kitties, they're full-grown motherfucking cats and THEY WISH YOU WOULD. What are you waiting for, big dogs? they seem to be saying. Why don't you come over here and tell it to my fucking face! If I were the dogs in this video, I wouldn't mess with these kittens. And you… » 3/25/15 9:15pm Yesterday 9:15pm

Here's a Normal 1950s Housewife Just Tripping Balls On Acid 

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, Dr. Sidney Cohen (a proponent of LSD use in a psychotherapeutic setting) filmed a housewife dropping acid. Now, through the magic of the Internet, you can watch her see "individual molecules" and "feel sorry for you" because "you can't" once again. Thanks—as if my Wednesday… » 3/25/15 4:00pm Yesterday 4:00pm

Fran Lebowitz Wants to Ban Yoga Pants On the Street, Fine Offenders

Author and style icon Fran Lebowitz spoke to Elle (in person, because she doesn't like to talk to people on cell phones and no one has a landline anymore) about her fashion sense, what annoys her (basically everything) and exactly how she'd describe Dolly Parton's style. If you didn't love her before, you won't be… » 3/25/15 3:00pm Yesterday 3:00pm

Guy Accidentally Gets Invite to Bachelor Party, Raises $8K to Crash It

Joey DiJulio is a fun guy with a can-do attitude. That's why when he was invited to a stranger's bachelor party by mistake, he didn't just ask to be removed from the list (honestly, who would?) but read about the plans of the party with pleasure until he just couldn't take it anymore and said "I want to gooooo!!!"… » 3/24/15 3:00pm Tuesday 3:00pm

Here's Some Cats Getting Fucking Aggressive With Pizza

Who knew that cats liked pizza? They hate anyone and everything else, but can a slice of cheesy goodness be the one thing that connects us to our feline overlords? Watch as these cats try (and sometimes spectacularly fail) to secure the one thing that all people can agree on. (And don't miss Hank Hill towards the end.) » 3/24/15 1:50pm Tuesday 1:50pm

Entitled White Man Denied First Amendment Right to Wear Shirt on Plane 

Yesterday, we learned that the First Amendment does not guarantee one the right to play baseball. Today we have more devastating news: The same amendment that doesn't guarantee you to have your opinions go uncriticized does not allow a dude to wear a vulgar shirt on a plane just because he might know how to say "uh, » 3/24/15 12:30pm Tuesday 12:30pm

Queen Patti LaBelle Danced to 50 Cent's 'In Da Club' on DWTS. Bless.

Patti Patti (the preferred name you're supposed to scream during one of LaBelle's shows) is murdering the competition on Dancing with the Stars. The singer chose 50 Cent's "In Da Club" for the show's "My Jam Monday" competition and proved that just because she's almost 70 doesn't mean she can't shake it. Hard. » 3/24/15 11:15am Tuesday 11:15am

​Everything Everyone Did Wrong on the God-Awful Finale of Looking

Let me be clear: There were a lot of things I felt during this episode. I felt angry at Kevin, I felt angry at Patrick, I felt sad for Patrick and then I felt angry again. I felt these things because human relationships are complex and ever-changing and because watching someone in pain (even someone I don't like) puts… » 3/23/15 5:10pm Monday 5:10pm

Whimsical Pair of Assholes Demand Money for 38 Perfect Weddings

Thought that we'd seen it all? Me too! From awful public proposals to wedding present meltdowns, it seemed that there really was nothing new under the nuptial sun. But then Rhiann and Cheetah entered our lives and asked for money to pay for 38 weddings and now nothing will ever be quite the same. » 3/23/15 12:00pm Monday 12:00pm

Dr. Pepper Is the Secret to Living Long, Healthy Life for 104-Year-Old

We've had a lot of discussion on how to stay alive forever. More and more people are living to 100 and whether it's staying away from men or eating White Castle on the regular, every centenarian has their own way of doing things to prolong their lives. Meet Elizabeth Sullivan, who owes it all to Dr. Pepper. » 3/20/15 6:00pm 3/20/15 6:00pm

Autism-Busting Paleo Book for Babies Pulled Because It Will Kill Them

Here's some news that might come as a big surprise to you: A baby cookboo called Bubba Yum Yum written by a TV chef, a mommy blogger and a naturopath may not be as safe as previously thought. Sure, it might stop your baby from developing autism, but only because your baby will be dead. (Better dead than neuroatypical,… » 3/20/15 2:10pm 3/20/15 2:10pm